The Land Down Under

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** NOTE: If you are visiting this post for the first time, please click on the song 'Land Down Under' on the player (lower left side) for the full effect! It really is a must-do! : )

So, I'm in the process of cleaning today. The patio. The rugs. The dust. The bed sheets. I'm also catching up on a few phone calls, installing Photoshop onto my computer and checking the cat's ears to see if the mites are gone. It's been a productive week - both mentally and physically. I visited with a woman earlier in the week to help me get myself 'unstuck' as well as I started a 'body cleanse' program (from Trader Joe's) to help detoxify my body....I figured if I was going to detoxify my mind, might as well throw the ol' bod on the train for the ride, too. I'm feeling like my t's are crossed and my i's are dotted. : )

Then...

I saw it...

in the last issue of my now-cancelled Oprah magazine...

an article about "Brown Betty"...

?????

HUH????

Oh yes, ladies! Just when you think you've got your act together, your bills paid, your house dusted, laundry done and food in the fridge...you might want to double check something else.... do you have gray hair 'down under' ????

Heaven forbid if you do!!! BUT WAIT!!! You don't have to endure the embarrassment of being gray 'down there' any longer! Grab yourself a box of 'Brown Betty'! In 10 - 30 minutes, depending on the amount of gray (and how stubborn it is), you, too, can put on that 'finishing touch'! As the ad reads:

betty™ products are especially formulated color dyes for the hair down there. In less than one year, over 100,000 happy customers are using betty to naturally match their hair above, cover gray or just for fun! Whether you're a blonde (be a true blonde now!), radiant auburn, rich brunette, raven black or want to try hot pink for fun, our easy to use no-drip formula gives you the perfect finishing touch!

Oh yes! Hot pink for FUN!!

FUN??!!???? How much fun would I have running around town with a pink patch?? Really! Tell me!! At 51, is my life going to be enhanced, filled with unbridled glee and will I have a smile on my face because I'm pink???!!??

And thank gawd it comes in a 'no drip' formula! That's a relief! I wonder...do you have to do the classic 'patch' test before applying it to make sure you don't have an allergic reaction to it in the process??

But wait!! There's more!!

If I'm really feeling fiesty and so Californ-I-A, there's Malibu Betty - not to be confused with Malibu Barbie, although, now that I think about it, Malibu Barbie probably wishes she had some Malibu Betty for Malibu Ken to enjoy.

You've got to be kidding me..seriously! And if you're single, like me, who do you share this with?? Do you smile smugly at your girlfriends over your margarita at happy hour and say coyly "Notice anything different about me?" ...

....and then drop your pants??!???

Do I stand in line at the post office, quietly giggling to myself, because I spent $20 bucks (gas prices, be damn!) for a box that has turned me into a 'radiant auburn' in the 'land down under'???? I mean really!! You've got to be kidding me!! It's all I can do to remember my appointment for my hair on top!

And all this time, I thought 'Brown Betty' was a dessert.