Solitary Shadow

Of late, my mind has gone to the dogs. Literally. Last week I visited our local animal shelter with my good friends 'just to look'.... I've thought about getting another dog from time to time, but my heart just hasn't been ready since I lost Ross last July. I was quite smitten with a beautiful dog at the shelter - Waldo - and we had a wonderful love fest. He has a beautiful, kind, gentle spirit and after a talk with my daughter and my good friend, S, I made the call to say I wanted to give Waldo a new home. Alas, this beautiful animal had just been adopted hours earlier. I am positive that fate had a hand in this and I am very okay, for I know that Waldo sleeps in a warm, loving home at night now and that if it had been meant to be, it would have worked out differently.

Our weather has become absolutely beautiful. Every so often, the words 'I should go for my walk today' drift through my mind - only to be immediately scolded by my heart's armour -

"You can't. Ross isn't here anymore. You can't go for your walk without him. It will be too hard to do. Too many memories....just too many memories of when you and he would go for your walks."

And I have acquiesced every single time - sure that my heart's armour spoke truthfully....and not feeling strong enough to prove it differently. Until today...The words to walk drifted by me again, and yes, the amour had its say as well. But, I decided that with the new year, came new beginnings. So during church this morning, I decided I would take my walk when I got home. And I would take it alone.

So with laces tied up, and a good-bye wink to Skittles laying in the front garden, I took my first few steps.

Around the first corner I looked upward and asked my buddy for a little help on this first walk without him. As I did, I saw a contrail rise above a bird in this tree and smiled at the irony of this picture - a creature that flies naturally while a man-made version soars miles above.

Soon, these guys were telling me how irritated they were that I had disturbed their late morning nap as they waddled towards the water's edge - especially the one in the middle!! Ross never gave them chase, but was so intrigued with the scents around!

As I rounded the bend, my path was before me....and I had to take slow, steady breaths as I remembered how I would put Ross back on the leash and hear the children at the upcoming tot-lot always say 'Look at that dog!'

....slow, steady breaths....

The sun felt warm and I thought of how this was the place where I would be ahead....Ross off the leash again and taking his sweet time gathering scents along our way. A quick 'Come on, Ross.' would bring him running to me with a smile on his face and his silky white and black fur waving to the rhythm of his running stride. He'd race past me, only to be stopped by a curious scent at another bush up ahead. This was my favorite part of our walk.

Winter's quell has finally brought barren trees as leaves finish their annual fall....
....revealing hidden treasures among the boughs.

Over the bridge I went, but this time I was the leader...in a parade of one.

A rainbow trout swam lazily in the winter sun past a

white down duck feather floating on top.

Red berries clinging onto bare branches... this is where Ross would whine and whine as dogs would run along their back fences - barking at us incessantly! This was our least favorite part of our walk and we would briskly pass those yappy dogs as I'd soothe Ross' nerves with a gentle 'It's okay, Ross....it's okay....'

Beauty all along my path.... below me....

....and above.

On the way home I pass by one of my favorite trees -ornamented with bird's nests. By now, Ross' pace would slow just a wee bit ... and soon we'd be home to slurps of cool water and a good, good feeling.

Yes, there were some tears as I wound my way around our route - noticing that there was only one, solitary shadow along the way. Memories are still very fresh and my heart's armour is still protective of me. But I tell myself that I did it....I made our walk alone.

Or did I?

Maybe, just maybe...

I really wasn't alone after all.