Welcome To My Hell

This is a picture of my monitor desktop.... please notice the blue box above. To the right of the cloudy sun image. See those triple 1's ?? That, my friends, is the afternoon temperature here in hell my neck of the woods. Or, um...neck of the desert, would be more accurate. The Sonoran Desert, if I am to be precise. Yes, I know the humidity was at 12% and it could be described as a 'dry heat', but trust me...heat is heat, and at 111 degrees, it is HOT!

I tend to be a desert rat, and the heat doesn't bother me too much. I'm often found driving around town with my windows down when the heat is well over 100. Yes, I have air-conditioning...but a little hot breeze doesn't bother me all that much. Do you know when I DO get truly 'hot and bothered' ? (well, other than watching a Johnny Depp movie)...well, do ya? It's when I work out in my yard. I've been known to throw a 'whatever' glance at the thermometer and fire up the chain saw, or clean out the garage, or weed my garden, or whatever catches my 'must do right this minute' eye. I've paid the price several times, and one truly must respect our climate and never overestimate our body's abilities to cope in this type of environment. The evening news is constant with weather reports, heat advisories, and pundits guesstimating as to how long this will last (3rd week of October, my friends) and when we can expect a monsoon storm to fire up so as to cool us down (they need to follow the air energy for a better prediction, but that escapes their mentality, for some reason). Water, sunscreen, shade, hydrate, hat, loose clothing, more water, more sunscreen...all words thrown out at us desert rats to help us stave off the effects of living in an oven.

But I have two words for you that you won't see the cute, fine-looking weatherman on Channel 15 ('Be-Still-My-Heart-Bill") utter during his evening weather segment....and one need merely look into my refrigerator to see my trick of the trade....

No...not tomatillo salsa (yes, I made a new batch). And it's not cold beer... although many swear by it's powers. And it's not my ice coffee, or beef stew or sour cream. Look on the top shelf...sort of left of center....see that little skinny bottle standing there... ahhhh yesssss..... two words that make me happy dance...

body spray

Bath and Body Works Coconut Lime Verbena Body Spray to be exact. Wait a minute...body spray IN DA FRIDGE??!!! Oh yes, glasshopper! Let me enlighten you to my way of coping!

But first...let's have a little 'girlfriend chat', shall we? Let's make our 'pinky pact'... okay...

Ladies, you know what's it's like to be hot...and I don't mean your little black 'down-to-there' dress or your pink bag of new thongs from the Victoria's Secret semi-annual panty sale!! I mean shirt stickin', 'sweat rolling down the middle of your back and further down your crack' kind of hot! The kind of hot where you look like you stepped out of the shower after lugging in the groceries from your car. The kind of hot where, if no one is home, you flip the ceiling fan switch to 'hurricane' and flop yourself down butt-naked on the bed, spread eagle, perhaps, and let the wind blow!!! And if they ARE home, you tell the kids that they can play any computer game that they want to and fix their own favorite snack while mommy locks the bedroom door and has at it!! The kind of hot where you literally peel off your clothes in the laundry room...and might even need to call for some help, at that!!! And when you get down to the undergarment layer, it's a toss-up between the laundry basket or the trash can!!

It's not a pretty sight.

Well, here's a little something to help you through the summer feeling fresh, cool, and staying clothed!!! Body spray in the fridge!! I have mine handy all summer long and truly, when you come in from being out in the oven, nothing feels better than a ice-cold spritz of cool lime, or sweet pea, or whatever your fancy desires on your neck or face! It's inexpensive, readily at hand! (And the man of the house leaves it alone - he's after his own kind of bottle!) You can find these little gems all over town!!! The one on the right is, again, from B&B Works (rain-kissed leaves), but the one on the left is from CVS pharmacy (creamy fig)! For less than 4 buckaroos!! That's a bargain!

Target, Wal-Mart, Walgreen's - everyone has their own little fancy-dancy version for your cool-down enjoyment! And all kidding aside, the other day I decided to 'bark' my garden. I came in sweating like a pig and red as beet! I grabbed my bottle from da fridge, spritzed a couple of ice-cold spritzes and I truly got a SHIVER down my spine from the cool tingle! WOOOHOOO!! (No, I was not compelled to light up a cigarette afterwards. Thanks for wondering.)

So as you are out and about the next day or so, stop by the 'I Think I Need To Buy Me A Little Present' counter and pick out a flavor or two! Oh, here's another hint... keep one by your bed...a spritz on a hot night and on the sheets makes for a comfy rest! Before you know it, you'll be feeling so cool, you'll be slipping on your thong or that little black dress 'cuz you're ready to look hot!!