Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Heart Attack!

We were heart-attacked last night! The doorbell rang a little after 9:00 pm. It had been a quiet evening after returning home from a birthday dinner out for M. Then...the doorbell rang. I opened the door and no one was there.... but hundreds of paper hearts were! All OVER the yard! Standing in a parade on little skewers and sprinkled all over the grass and driveway. Wishes taped to the garage door. Hearts bearing wishes for a grand 15th birthday. Hearts saying that she's loved! Hearts full of teenage girl gooofiness and genuine love! And to top it all off...a treat from Starbuck's!!! No one in sight, but lots of 'presents' before us!! It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Soon, the 'offending party' drove by giggling and laughing. Hugs all around. Thank-you's in ears. Smiles, laughs, giggles and goofiness. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving young lady...and I am forever grateful to all of her wonderful friends for taking such good care of my daughter - especially during this past year. It was the most wonderful kind of 'heart attack' to be had!

Saturday, May 27, 2006


The day entered behind a curtain of fiery orange this morning. I happened to turn in bed and open one eye to see how much morning light was beginning to rob me of my sleep. What met my eyes were waves of bright, intense orange across my window. I turned back into my pillow, only to raise up and look again...had I dreamed that color? No. The morning sky was ablaze with the most fiery orange I have seen in decades. Why was the day raising it's angry head so early?? What could have possible raised its ire and rath when the day had hardly begun? Or was it simply the color orange feeling frisky and joyous...pouring itself out in showy glory?

I reflected it to be perfect...a perfect color that fate had drawn out of it's rainbow-hued basket. The week has been a bit orange-y. The wrapping up of another year with a bow of mixed emotions. Saying good-bye to my second family for the summer months. Stripping the walls of my room - so symbolic of my life as I knew it...and soon, my home. Anxious about what lies ahead in the next few months. Excited to begin the last 3 classes of the seven that I have fired myself up to complete in 6 weeks' time. A personification of the 'bull in a china shop' by breaking an edge off a mirror, and even worse, shattering a beloved purple crystal goblet that my mother had given me for Christmas about 12 years ago.

Maybe orange was the 'color de dia' because of events with a 'loved one'. Such person reached out this week for help so desperately needed. While this is something that I have hoped for, wished for and so, so many times prayed for, my reaction when it finally happened wasn't what I thought it would be. Instead of feeling relief, calmness, joy and optimism...I am upset, worried, scared and struggling inside as to whether there is something that I should be doing to help this person. Should I call? Should I help the professionals with background history? Should I send a note of encouragement? Should I .... should I visit?? What should I do? There must be something that I should be doing to help this person as they take that vital baby step towards a better life. I just don't know what it is... A spirit tells me that it is to do none of these things. That what I should do is what I have been doing. Continue on with taking care of M. Continue on with paying the bills. Continue on with taking care of me. Continue on with my classes. Continue on with what I have been doing.

But it doesn't seem enough.

There must be something more that I can do.

Perhaps the answer will come in something orange.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I Wonder Why... ?

A busy day today...with a good sense of accomplishment. I've taken care of everything from getting the oil changed in the car, to fertilizing the lawn, to going to the library, dry cleaners, store, home center, getting a pedicure...and on and on. I toured a little westside gem today for a class that I'm taking...(that's a whole 'nother subject...I'm a possessed woman with a goal...7 classes in 2 month's time....3 1/2 down, 3 1/2 to go...) Anywho....I was at the West Valley Art Museum in Surprise/Sun City West Arizona. It's a small little venue...cozy, yet refreshing in it's experience. A little gem in our desert. I was there last June during an exhibit of African Art. Today's feature was 'Animals in Art'. Beautiful pictures done in a variety of mediums...bronze, gauache, watercolor, paper.... And beautiful animals painted in these mediums.... bright orange koi swimming through sunlight in a pool, a rhinocerous - exactly one half of his face done in black and white on etchboard, a snowy owl with a steely stare, a red fox with 'Mona Lisa' eyes, a mother giraffe nuzzling her baby, a pensive monkey... All beautifully executed... But I found a different exhibit to be what captivated my attention even more.... it was an exhibit done by valley school childen and submitted by their school's PTA... the theme... 'I Wonder Why....... ?' The entries were as varied as the grades represented. One 1st grader wondered why 'E=mc2'... a FIRST grader! Her picture depicted Einstein presenting his famous formula! One second grader wondered 'Why Are There So Many Colors?' - her picture was a collage of 5 pictures depicting color in nature - yellow sunflower, orange pumpkin, red fall leaves, green pine needles and a blue sky with a tiny puff of cloud... These were mounted in an overlapping fashion on a piece of camel mat board. I was drawn to it time and again and even expressed to my docent how much I loved it. One entry was of a beautiful hummingbird taking a drink from a splendidly pink flower - all done in colored pencil - in glorious detail and shading...and it was done by a 3rd grader!! Impossible!! But true... oh, so true. One peice really caught me, however. It was done by a girl..and I don't remember her grade...I want to say 8th grade, but I could be wrong. Her question was "I Wonder Why My Brother Has Autism?" Oh, honey.... what a question you have every right to ask. Her picture was a collage of photos, glitter glue, clippings, drawings and pictures of her and her brother, David. It gave the sense of energy, love and fun with a bit of chaos mixed in. Because of my job, I see this entry in such a different light than I would have 5 or 6 years ago. I stopped, looked, searched, read, felt, sighed...understood a small bit. I couldn't help but think that it was obvious why David has such a wonderful sister.
Yes, a gem, indeed.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Think Pink

Beautiful, aren't they? Just one more reason to go to work everyday...the glorious color that decorates our campus.

As is true to any roller coaster ride, I'm on the upswing of it all.... time will be kind and fate will be gentle. I just have to hang on - and try to enjoy the view while on this ride.

Summer has stretched and yawn ... and ready to get up! I am looking forward to some down time, so to speak. M and I are both in classes; my goal is to complete 7 by the end of next month.

Blessing be to all ...

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


I haven't posted reguarly in the past couple of weeks. I think about it. But I don't. Not sure why. I seem to be in a juxaposed position. Up then down. Excited then mourning. Hopeful..then scared. This kind of unsettledness weighs on me. I see in myself, feel it, understand it...but can't seem to stop it from washing over me.

Case in point...

M and I spent all day Saturday cleaning this castle for an open house the following day. The market has come to a screaming halt and so the motivation to have everything 'tip top' is upon me. No cobweb or dustbunny left unturned! The problem is that as I carefully dust, clean, straighten or wipe something, I am reminded of how painstakingly I chose that particular I spent a whole week deciding if that was the exact color of tan that I wanted on my kitchen wall, how I purchased that dried flower swag for over the archway because I KNEW it would be perfect for that spot...and it was! My house hasn't changed in years. I like the way it's decorated. I like the wall paper border I put in my kitchen. My belief is why fix it if is isn't broken?? Yes, I really like my home.

The outside is even harder on me. I can tell you why I have each piece of decoration in my English Garden where it is. I can remember when I bought the busted fountain peices and the story with the sales clerk over them. I remember positioning and repositioning the jacaranda tree off the patio time and time again...forseeing it's growing beauty and planting it so that as you ascend the stairs, its canopy of periwinkle blooms fill the arched window with a spectacular view. (My work paid's a beautiful sight!) I hear the baby birds in the nest under the eave right outside my shower window every morning. Not two feet from me, Mommy bird returns with breakfast for her hungry family. These birds have returned to this same spot for the last 5 years to refeather their nest and raise a new family. I wonder... will they miss me when I'm gone? My hummingbirds grace my patio with flight and good-natured orneriness... will the new owners feed them religiously as I do?? The carpenter bee drills hole after hole in a spare piece of pine on my potting bench...hanging like a heavy helicopter above his home outside my kitchen window. Will the new owners toss his pine home away in a heap on the trash pile? Where will he go then? Will the new owner tenderly prune and fertilize my pink rose bush...that's 14 years old? Will they??? And my cats.... I can't even imagining taking them away from the only place that they've ever know...and so truly love.... Will they run away from wherever I move them too - searching for the home they know?

Will I loose them, too?

I don't know.... I just don't know....

Yet, today a call came from a realtor wanting to show my house to a family this afternoon. I was thrilled and delighted! I even ran home at lunchtime to put the dog out and turn on soft 'mood music'! How exciting! A prospective buyer! Someone needing a home like this one! Someone wanting to see if this house fit their family! Could this be the break I've been wanting and needing? Yes, I was very excited!

But wait.... wait a minute... how can that be? How can I be mournful and sad three days ago and then be hopeful and excited that someone might want to buy my home today??

Oh.... the juxapose of it all....