Saturday, May 27, 2006


The day entered behind a curtain of fiery orange this morning. I happened to turn in bed and open one eye to see how much morning light was beginning to rob me of my sleep. What met my eyes were waves of bright, intense orange across my window. I turned back into my pillow, only to raise up and look again...had I dreamed that color? No. The morning sky was ablaze with the most fiery orange I have seen in decades. Why was the day raising it's angry head so early?? What could have possible raised its ire and rath when the day had hardly begun? Or was it simply the color orange feeling frisky and joyous...pouring itself out in showy glory?

I reflected it to be perfect...a perfect color that fate had drawn out of it's rainbow-hued basket. The week has been a bit orange-y. The wrapping up of another year with a bow of mixed emotions. Saying good-bye to my second family for the summer months. Stripping the walls of my room - so symbolic of my life as I knew it...and soon, my home. Anxious about what lies ahead in the next few months. Excited to begin the last 3 classes of the seven that I have fired myself up to complete in 6 weeks' time. A personification of the 'bull in a china shop' by breaking an edge off a mirror, and even worse, shattering a beloved purple crystal goblet that my mother had given me for Christmas about 12 years ago.

Maybe orange was the 'color de dia' because of events with a 'loved one'. Such person reached out this week for help so desperately needed. While this is something that I have hoped for, wished for and so, so many times prayed for, my reaction when it finally happened wasn't what I thought it would be. Instead of feeling relief, calmness, joy and optimism...I am upset, worried, scared and struggling inside as to whether there is something that I should be doing to help this person. Should I call? Should I help the professionals with background history? Should I send a note of encouragement? Should I .... should I visit?? What should I do? There must be something that I should be doing to help this person as they take that vital baby step towards a better life. I just don't know what it is... A spirit tells me that it is to do none of these things. That what I should do is what I have been doing. Continue on with taking care of M. Continue on with paying the bills. Continue on with taking care of me. Continue on with my classes. Continue on with what I have been doing.

But it doesn't seem enough.

There must be something more that I can do.

Perhaps the answer will come in something orange.

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