Sunday, June 04, 2006

Watermelon Bra

Maybe it was the 115 degree heat.

The magster and I went shopping today for some things. After an uneventful trip to Old Navy, we headed down to Kohl's...they were having a 'bra' sale. Now mind you...I HATE bra shopping. You find 3 bras that aren't designed for 49+ yr. old, 2 kids, weight-loss, down-to-my-knees boobs and stride right into the fitting room, hoping that there are no hidden cameras ready to capture the 'tit-sling try on'! I always have a trace of optimism that when I try on the first one, I, too, will look like the woman on the front of the tag...looking so 'fly and foxy' in this bra! But after struggling to slip, plop, hook and adjust my boobs into this fashion statement, I realize that no matter what kind of fancy contraptions you strap on a cow, udders are udders.

If I had my way about it, I would strip down to nothing on the top, gamely grab bras left and right, try them on right there in front of the display, and if they didn't fit, throw them down and go over to the next display. None of this 'take off shirt, take off bra, try on bra #1, bra #2, bra #3....put back on old bra, put back on t-shirt, fix hair, go back out and try to find 3 different bras that might fit', and do the whole process over again.

I spent a good hour perusing the selection Kohl's had. After trying on 3 with halarious results, I headed back out. I searched for the 'lavendar' tag that corresponded to my cup size... for heaven's sake. (J says I need a 'boob lift'... she may be right) The pickin's were slim...the sale had obviously already been a hit with a lot of women (and probably a guy or two, if truth be told). Finally, I found two that would do. They were white and pink...the pink one being my personal fashion statement...albeit a rather modest one. One for the magster (it was a buy 2 get 1 free!), and I headed over to the pajama section. Heck, I was feeling so sassy with my new boob slings, I figured I should find myself a new nightgown! Well, meandering through the pajama section found me staring at a rack of miscellaneous undies...and there on the end was a pistachio green bra with a little pink bow in the front and a little pink ribbon running along the sides. Green and pink! Watermelon colors!As fate would have it, there was one in my size! And the kicker...there was a big ol' sign on the rack - 'GOLD STAR SALE - 60% - 80% OFF!'

Well, I knew this was a sign from Lily of France (undergarment goddess), so I grabbed my new bra and triumphantly strode up to the register. I asked my friendly sales clerk how much my new watermelon bra was, since it was on sale. She scanned the code and told me it wasn't on sale. ??? Yes it is, the sign says so. She nonchalantley picked up the phone, spoke to anonymous, nodded, and hung up, only to tell me that it wasn't on sale. I repeated that the sign said differently. 'You want to talk to her?' I was asked. "You betcha" was my reply. I was committed and willing to do what I needed to do to take home my watermelon bra at a reduced price!

Ms. Frumpy Grumpy appeared. I explained that the bra had been on the sales rack. I showed her the tag with a yellow line marked through the bar code. She told me that that didn't matter. I said that as a customer, it did to me! So I invited her to allow me to escort us over to the said rack. Ms. Frumpy Grumpy launched into her 'wave-off' diatrabe that the yellow mark didn't matter, the bras probably shouldn't have been there, someone must have put them there, there is no sale and that the sign stating the 60% off was on the wrong rack. "'s not even tightened" she said as she loosened up the thumb screws and move the offending sign over to another rack. She showed me!

Ahh... but not so fast, glass-hopper....

That bra was coming home with me - and at a sale price.

I then exposed my knowledge to Ms. Frumpy Grumpy that if a store advertises merchandise at a sale price, they are required by law to honor that price. They had a sign on this rack. Three of these bras were on this rack. This bra, Ms. Frumpy Grumpy, is on sale.

"I'll need to go look up some numbers. Do you want to follow me or wait here?"

"I'll wait here, thank you."

As we waited, I explained to my mortified daughter that this was an excellent lesson for her to witness in shopping. I explained the theory behind it and patiently waited for Ms. Frumpy Grumpy to return. About 8 minutes later she did. She happily handed me my bra and said 'Here you go!' I asked if she was able to get the sale price and she replied that she had written it on the tag. 'Thank you very much.' I said. As magster and I strode back to the register, I looked down.... $12.99. Yipeee! This bra and I were meant to be together!! My new watermelon bra was the deal of the day!!

A melon bra for my melons!!

Like I said.... maybe it was the heat....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

A bra of any color is a beautiful thing!