Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Overwhelmed....

....because it's almost over.

Over for my class as their teacher.

Over for my daughter's days in high school.

And I am overwhelmed. Over-tired. Over-worked. It's a bit of a challenge to enjoy these days when one is like this. Cume folders, report cards, taking down the room, planning celebrations to close out our time together, meetings, end-of-year proceedures, pizza ordered, correspondence, and upteen million other things that teachers have to do during the day....and...oh yeah... make the day purposeful for 28 students.

This is a difficult time for me as I say good-bye to my class. You see, I am a 'looping' teacher (not to be confused with 'loopy', of which I truly am). I start with my class as 1st graders, they go home for summer vacation and then return to me so that we can do 2nd grade together. So I am their teacher for two years, and they are my world for two years. In less than 48 hours, I will spend the last of our 360 days together and send them on to 3rd grade. Every time I say 'good-bye' to a class, it is always harder than the last class before them. These kiddos are nothing short of amazing, loving and intelligent in all ways. Their compassion and kindness are unsurpassed.

I have been working like a crazed woman for the last two weeks on the video I make to send them off with of our last two years together. It has consumed my every spare moment, and I had to ask for help from a colleague, who has helped me out immensely. Today, I made 28 copies of the final cut - a gift for each one of my kiddos as we say goodbye. Today, my class and a wonderful class mom presented me with a book that they wrote for me about me - each child reading his/her page...it was touching and beyond beautiful....and left me a moppy mess of tears.

In 24 hours, I will be attending my daughter's graduation from high school at our university. Have 4 years gone by already?!?? Is she at the end of her senior year?? How did this happen, where was I and where did the time go?!? I will attend the ceremony by myself, and I am afraid of this a bit. I don't want to be presented with the situation of having to be magnanimous to my ex. It's not what I had dreamed of for this day. But there is a reason that it is playing out to be so, and so it is. I think I am afraid of a flood of emotions from both her graduating and saying 'good-bye' to my class hitting me all at once. I hope the people I sit by are understanding...and carry extra kleenex with them!

The other night I made a 'memory board' for her. I'll post it next time. I just got my camera back from the shop where it had to be taken apart because of a speck of something deciding to get behind my lens... unbelievable how much a speck can end up costing! Tonight, I am letting myself catch up with the times...now that the video is done. Tonight I am letting the moment sink in. Tonight I am not doing school work. Tonight, I am letting the emotions find their seat.

Because, in a blink of an eye....it will all be over.

5 comments:

Jane said...

It is going to be equally hard for one little brown eyed girl to say good-bye to you. I'll never forget the day she made that appointment with Sheila to go and talk to her about the teacher she wanted to have for 1st grade. She knew she wanted the best, and went straight to the top to make sure she did everything possible to try and make that happen.
You have been a huge part of both of our lives. You are an AMAZING teacher.
We will be at graduation tonight as well...Dallas has thrown us all for a loop with graduating as junior. I am not ready. So, you bring the kleneex and we can cry it out together.

xoxoxo

N-Search of Peace said...

Even in the hardness's of our lives, we can still, always, always, see the light!
You are the light!
Shine aways sweetie...fill up the space!
N-Peace

kimberly said...

oh vb.....my heart feels for you as a mommy and friend for all that you are going through emotionally right now.....adding to that your farewell to your kids of two years and the added unknown situation at graduation......i wish you had your yaya's with you!!! but perhaps, as you said, this is for a reason.....a lot on your plate. but i know from visiting here for the last several years, what an amazingly strong, wonderful, vivacious, caring, creative, love-filled and independent woman you are.....and i know that you will be able to get through all of this and do it beautifully.....feeling all the emotion it brings and embracing each moment.
i will be thinking of you!
love,
kimberly

Cheela said...

I always hate the end of each year saying good-bye to the kids. I didn't like it as a teacher and I don't like it as a principal. Today we had kindergarten graduations. I remember when Maggie graduated from kindergarten. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago.

PS--YOU CAN'T CRY IN MY OFFICE!!!!!!

Jill said...

So many changes for you. I understand... go ahead and be moppy... let those tears flow. But remember what a gift you have given each of those children. How lucky they are to have had you for all of those days.
And your daughter... oh boy. Hug her tight and send her on her way. You will find such joy watching her spread her wings and take flight!
xoxox Jill