Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Land Down Under

**DISCLAIMER** The following post is not for the faint-of-heart, children under the age of 18 or prudes. It contains adult subject matter and those fitting into the categories as described are highly encouraged to either head over to another site or log off now.
** NOTE: If you are visiting this post for the first time, please click on the song 'Land Down Under' on the player (lower left side) for the full effect! It really is a must-do! : )

So, I'm in the process of cleaning today. The patio. The rugs. The dust. The bed sheets. I'm also catching up on a few phone calls, installing Photoshop onto my computer and checking the cat's ears to see if the mites are gone. It's been a productive week - both mentally and physically. I visited with a woman earlier in the week to help me get myself 'unstuck' as well as I started a 'body cleanse' program (from Trader Joe's) to help detoxify my body....I figured if I was going to detoxify my mind, might as well throw the ol' bod on the train for the ride, too. I'm feeling like my t's are crossed and my i's are dotted. : )

Then...

I saw it...

in the last issue of my now-cancelled Oprah magazine...

an article about "Brown Betty"...

?????

HUH????

Oh yes, ladies! Just when you think you've got your act together, your bills paid, your house dusted, laundry done and food in the fridge...you might want to double check something else.... do you have gray hair 'down under' ????

Heaven forbid if you do!!! BUT WAIT!!! You don't have to endure the embarrassment of being gray 'down there' any longer! Grab yourself a box of 'Brown Betty'! In 10 - 30 minutes, depending on the amount of gray (and how stubborn it is), you, too, can put on that 'finishing touch'! As the ad reads:

betty™ products are especially formulated color dyes for the hair down there. In less than one year, over 100,000 happy customers are using betty to naturally match their hair above, cover gray or just for fun! Whether you're a blonde (be a true blonde now!), radiant auburn, rich brunette, raven black or want to try hot pink for fun, our easy to use no-drip formula gives you the perfect finishing touch!


Oh yes! Hot pink for FUN!!

FUN??!!???? How much fun would I have running around town with a pink patch?? Really! Tell me!! At 51, is my life going to be enhanced, filled with unbridled glee and will I have a smile on my face because I'm pink???!!??

And thank gawd it comes in a 'no drip' formula! That's a relief! I wonder...do you have to do the classic 'patch' test before applying it to make sure you don't have an allergic reaction to it in the process??

But wait!! There's more!!

If I'm really feeling fiesty and so Californ-I-A, there's Malibu Betty - not to be confused with Malibu Barbie, although, now that I think about it, Malibu Barbie probably wishes she had some Malibu Betty for Malibu Ken to enjoy.

You've got to be kidding me..seriously! And if you're single, like me, who do you share this with?? Do you smile smugly at your girlfriends over your margarita at happy hour and say coyly "Notice anything different about me?" ...

....and then drop your pants??!???

Do I stand in line at the post office, quietly giggling to myself, because I spent $20 bucks (gas prices, be damn!) for a box that has turned me into a 'radiant auburn' in the 'land down under'???? I mean really!! You've got to be kidding me!! It's all I can do to remember my appointment for my hair on top!

And all this time, I thought 'Brown Betty' was a dessert.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow ! Sounds like fun!

Anonymous said...

Oh my! I'm so cracking up over here! Who knew you could have a blue beaver?? lol !

Kerri said...

OH MY! How freaking hilarious!! Is it available at local stores or must you special order it??? How funny! Remind me to tell you about the article about the special "tool" I found in San Francisco. Freaked me out (which is really pretty hard to do).

Kerri

Cheela said...

Okay, Carol, I am not sure I can EVER look at you the same again!!!!!!!!!

Have you seen "Sex and the City?" Kind of reminds me of one part of that hilarious movie!

T said...

I had no idea this stuff existed! Leave it to you for coming across it! Too funny, VB! Thanks for the laugh!

Chickenbells said...

Wellll...you could just get waxed and then not have to worry about it? I mean, I thought that was what pretty panties were for? To make you feel all special. I can't imagine what would happen if I died myself pink (mostly because, as a woman I thought I WAS pink...) and then took off my pants. I mean, if it was in front of the cat, she'd just roll her eyes like she always does, but I think R would be a little put off...

And that Malibu Ken? He doesn't deserve to have anyone die themselves blue (plus? Barbie totally waxes) because all he has it that plastic bump anyway.

$20?!?! I don't even spend that to do my regular hair...Of course, I don't do it pink either.

Nonnie said...

LOL!!!! beware if vb invites you out for margaritas.....and i'm like you.....always thought brown betty was a dessert....i think i just answered my own question! LOL

Jill said...

OMG!!! This cracks me up... especially after the cleaning binge I have been on!!!! Oh dear... I'm gonna have to get out the mirror I'm afraid.... I can't stop giggling!!!! I'm blushing...
Look out!!! Malibu Betty here I come!!!!!
And I think I'll have some of that dessert, too!
xoxoxox
Jill

Anonymous said...

I am now PINK because of you ! :)

paisleydragonfly said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Denise

dede warren said...

This is a crack up! AND so {{Sex and the City}}! You even write like Carry Bradshaw, and trust me sister Maliby Ken would say that's a good thing!

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

threeboys1mommy said...

No wonder Oprah's always talking about her Va jay jay.

velvet brick said...

To my friend in Scottsdale who is now pink...

YOU GO, GIRL!!! : )))

All of you are cracking me up with your comments! LOL!

Velvet Brick

somepinkflowers said...

i just popped in here
for the first time
and BAM!

:-)

you really cracked me up.

{{some folks just have too much time on their hands,
i am thinking....}}

somepinkflowers said...

hey, missy...

love your vision board
{{you will NOT beleive this, but ~blush, blush~
i TOO bought foam board
and am creating my future.
i know! it really works
as i have done it before.

anyway.
more about that later }}

hop on over and help me celebrate the Mad Tea Party!

i have a celebratory give-a-way!!

YES! give-a-way!
somepinkthing!

oh happy day!

Edgar and Edgar said...

This is Fabulous!!!!

Kimberlee

PS...Love your BLOG!!!!

Anonymous said...

Girl,
I've decided to show some spirit for my husband's school & show go malibu betty & black down under! Imagine if the cheerleaders get ahold of this!! Rah, rah, rah, sis boom BETTY!!

judicreations said...

oh can you even imagine..*lol*..crazy. What will they think of next?? How can someone decide??? I'm sure there MUST be a favourite colour, the "in" colour but how would one know? Oh dear..*lol*...
thank you for sharing...