Friday, July 17, 2009

Ross

I was lucky enough to call this beautiful spirit of an animal my own 3 years ago this month. Ross. He was a dog rescued from the pound. He was in horrible condition and in need of much love, medical care and a good home. I didn't set out to get Ross. I was at my Starbuck's one morning, and his foster mom was stopping in to get a cup of coffee. I was sitting outside at a table and she asked the girls behind me if they would mind holding his leash while she ran in. The girls were all over this sweet, gentle, furry creature and I couldn't help but take notice. I had recently had to have my Molly put down due to severe arthritis, so the last thing I was thinking about was another dog. But there was something about this spirit that pulled me towards him...and soon I was down on the pavement petting and talking to him. His foster mom and I visited for a while as she told me his history of abuse and neglect, his diagnosis of Valley Fever, imbedded burrs, other issues.... and how she was helping get him back on the mend. Well....an appointment was set up and the foster mom and head lady from the Border Collie Rescue Organization came over to my house for a 2 hour interview to see if my daughter, myself and our home would be a good fit for Ross. It was deemed so, and Ross became part of our family two days later. At the time, I was going through a very difficult divorce, and I'll always remember what the lady said to me towards the end of our conversation.... 'It sounds like you need Ross just as much as he needs you.'

It was true.

Ross melded into our 5-cat family with absolutely no problem. He truly was the perfect, perfect, PERFECT dog. We had our routines of dog bones in the morning, walks at the riparian area, trips down the sidewalk to get the mail, 'flip-chip' treats and rolling in the grass. We played a game on my bed of him trying to roll me over - I always put up a 'fight' each time, but I always let him win in the end. Each time I drove into the garage from being gone, he would squeeze through the doggie door and come over to my car door and stand up to lick my hand and welcome me home. Every time.

Ross also became a fixture at school - because I have a great principal that let's me bring my dog!! My kiddos loved on Ross when he would visit! They petted him, hugged him, kissed him and read books to him. He loved coming to school and would say 'hi' to everyone in the office and workroom, then he would happily trot down the sidewalk to my cottage - he knew the way! He even had his picture on our yearbook page among the kiddos and was our 'Top Cat' one week... he was a part of our world!

Four months ago Ross was diagnosed with lymphoma. The diagnosis knocked me down because it just seemed to come out of the blue and he was so young. A treatment plan of steroids helped keep the symptoms in check and allowed him to continue to live a good life. But the last couple of weeks I could tell that the cancer was starting to take its toll, and on Tuesday, after a distressed morning, Ross walked over, put his chin on my knee and looked me in the eyes....with those beautiful brown eyes of his with so much love and spirit behind them. "The time has come." he told me. "You need to let me go."

And so I did.

I am absolutely heartbroken. More so than I thought I would be. I have done things to remember him this week that I have never done before.... a memory brick made with pebbles, grout and tears. His empty collar now hanging on my bed post. A picture frame ornament hanging on my life tree for years...empty... now filled with his picture. A visit to the riparian preserve to just sit, watch and remember. And tears beyond what I thought I would cry.

You need to know...I am NOT a dog-person. Cat-person, yes. Dog, no. I've always had dogs throughout my life, and I've been in this position many, many times before. I'm a pragmatic person when it comes to elements of life and death and I believe wholeheartedly that it is a gift we give our pets to let them finally be free of hurt, pain and suffering. But this has knocked me down. And I am heartbroken with tears and loss....for my Ross.

Ross. The rescued dog who did the rescuing.

Run free, my dear buddy....my goof....my good boy.....

Run free.

13 comments:

kimberly said...

oh vb....this post brings back so many of the times we have gone through this....and each time i say it will be the last time i ever have a pet....and it rings very close right now as jamie just found out yesterday that their spinger "molly" has a malignant cyst....she will be going in for it to be removed on tuesday.....in fact she did a post this morning about her here
http://theviewfromhere-jme.blogspot.com/
so sorry about your aching heart....but so glad for all the memories....they certainly make their way into our lives, don't they?
thinking of you....
love,
kimberly

The Toenjes Family said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. It brings a tear to my eye reading your words and remember the feelings of losing my dear Josie. Our pets love us with every ounce of their being even when we don't feel we are worthy. There was a poem that helped me when I was feeling alone - http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/stilhere.htm
Please check it out...I hope it will help ease your pain too.
Sonja

Joni said...

Oh, I'm so so sorry...my own tears are flowing from your loss because I know just how you loved Ross and the emptiness you are feeling right now. I think you are a brave woman and I'm so happy YOU were the one who had Ross for his last dog years...I am always amazed at what we can learn from dogs. I know it's too soon...but you should have another dog...I'm certain they help us live longer. I could bring you a long-haired weiner dog pup...they're so ugly they're cute.

Great big hugs ~

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you Carol. We all loved Ross! He will meet you at the Rainbow Bridge.
Love, Barb and Kari

Connie said...

So sorry for your loss. I know how special border collies are. I have a border collie/lab mix female...to whom I am extremely attached. She is 10+ yrs old now, and I dread the day I loose her. I try to cherish her every day as much as possible. In honor of Ross, I will go give my "girl" a hug right now.

Cheela said...

I know how much Ross meant to you. I loved when he came to school and was so gentle with the children. Our lives are more enriched because of these wonderful pets. I truly know how you feel!!

Jill said...

Oh gosh.... my heart is breaking. I have two beautiful beagles who are in their sunset years. What unconditional love... oh dear... my heart hurts for you... but i know that Ross is in a field chasing something fun and full of joy. God Bless Ross and all who loved him.
Much love...
Jill

Anonymous said...

Ross always knew that room 23 was the place to be ! My class loved him....

~Molly~ said...

He was beautiful. So sorry you've lost him so soon. ((((VB))))

Molly

Martha said...

Carol, you wrote so beautifully about Ross and your love for him. Like many others, tears were streaming as I read your post. For you and Ross and for the memories of having to put Sam down. A time you helped me through.

I'm sorry girl, you can profess to not be a dog person all you want, but it doesn't ring true! Ross has probably changed that forever.

Love you and sending big hugs your way!
Martha

N-Search of Peace! said...

He truly was the rescuer Chica....

On so many levels and in so many ways....

Beautiful tribute for a beautiful spirit!

Peace offerings for your sad and lonely heart....

Like a crazy women...
N-Peace

Jamie said...

i'm so sorry ~ i can't even get through the whole post because i'm sitting here crying and my heart can't handle thinking about this right now.

these animals become our family members and i just can't imagine what you must be feeling. i'm so sorry for your loss.....ross certainly knew he was loved beyond measure i'm sure.

thank you for your kind words about molly ~ i pray that i'm not faced with the same decision you had to make because i just don't think i'm strong enough......

Simplicity Wins said...

I am so sorry Carol. I totally remember when you got Ross, he was such a good dog. I am vertain he is romping around in doggie heaven.
In peace and pain free...